J The GJJd News J
of Atheism
-Mark Smith 2001-
As Atheism cures tithing, you’ll get an instant 10% raise in take-home pay.
You’re inoculated against Christian suicide cults like People’s Temple or Heaven’s Gate.
Those "voices in your head" claiming to be God can now be cured with a pill.
Hell becomes as phony as the boogie man.
The celestial “Peeping Tom” who watched as you wiped your ass ceases to exist.
You realize there are no ghosts or goblins- really!
There are not, nor ever have been, any “evil spirits” hiding under your bed at night.
Masturbation now cures more anxiety than causes.
Premarital sex no longer causes “guilt hangovers” the next morning.
You can be honest and really hate those you hate- no more pretend Christian “love”.
You can now sleep in on Sunday mornings.
If born gay, you no longer have to lie to yourself.
Money & hope are not wasted on faith healers.
Families are no longer divided over petty religious squabbles.
You no longer have to stay married to people you’ve grown to hate.
Women don’t have to become “brood mares for Jesus” pumping out those kids.
If Catholic, you can now use condoms to prevent infection & death if your spouse has aids.
Girls can now abort pregnancies caused by drunken fathers or football teams.
If Catholic, you can now intelligently plan your family size via birth control.
If Mormon, you can now drink tea, coffee, and coke.
If Mormon, you can now give & receive oral sex, and trash the goofy magic underwear.
If you were a Fundy, you can now drink a toast with friends at weddings.
If you were a Fundy, you’re now allowed to dance and see movies.
If you were a Liberal, you can now be honest about your Atheism.
When you hit your thumb with a hammer, you can now swear like a sailor.
As science advances, you don't have to “circle the wagons” to defend Biblical cosmology.
If mugged, rather than turn the other cheek, you’re now allowed to fight back.
You can lust as nature intended you to without apologies or self-induced guilt.
You can now be rightfully proud of your accomplishments- no more false humility.
If you were a Fundy woman, you can use makeup & clothing to look stylish & sexy.
You’ll never miss another NFL game due to long winded preachers.
If you’re a Catholic priest, you can now have sex with people other than choir boys.
If you’re a “nun” you can now get “some”.
And you’re now free to think & question without fear of pissing off some insecure deity.
| Contact Information for Mark Smith |
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Web Page JCnot4me.com |
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For more on the joys of Atheism, see also http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/nihilism.html (offsite)