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As Atheism cures tithing, you’ll get an instant 10% raise in take-home pay.
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You’re inoculated against Christian suicide cults like People’s Temple or Heaven’s Gate.
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Those "voices in your head" claiming to be God can now be cured with a pill.
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Hell becomes as phony as the boogie man.
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The celestial “Peeping Tom” who watched as you wiped your ass ceases to exist.
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You realize there are no ghosts or goblins- really!
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There are not, nor ever have been, any “evil spirits” hiding under your bed at night.
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Masturbation now cures more anxiety than causes.
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Premarital sex no longer causes “guilt hangovers” the next morning.
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You can be honest and really hate those you hate- no more pretend Christian “love”.
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You can now sleep in on Sunday mornings.
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If born gay, you no longer have to lie to yourself.
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Money & hope are not wasted on faith healers.
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Families are no longer divided over petty religious squabbles.
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You no longer have to stay married to people you’ve grown to hate.
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Women don’t have to become “brood mares for Jesus” pumping out those kids.
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If Catholic, you can now use condoms to prevent infection & death if your spouse has aids.
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Girls can now abort pregnancies caused by drunken fathers or football teams.
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If Catholic, you can now intelligently plan your family size via birth control.
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If Mormon, you can now drink tea, coffee, and coke.
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If Mormon, you can now give & receive oral sex, and trash the goofy magic underwear.
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If you were a Fundy, you can now drink a toast with friends at weddings.
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If you were a Fundy, you’re now allowed to dance and see movies.
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If you were a Liberal, you can now be honest about your Atheism.
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When you hit your thumb with a hammer, you can now swear like a sailor.
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As science advances, you don't have to “circle the wagons” to defend Biblical cosmology.
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If mugged, rather than turn the other cheek, you’re now allowed to fight back.
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You can lust as nature intended you to without apologies or self-induced guilt.
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You can now be rightfully proud of your accomplishments- no more false humility.
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If you were a Fundy woman, you can use makeup & clothing to look stylish & sexy.
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You’ll never miss another NFL game due to long winded preachers.
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If you’re a Catholic priest, you can now have sex with people other than choir boys.
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If you’re a “nun” you can now get “some”.
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And you’re now free to think & question without fear of pissing off some insecure deity.
