Misc. Thoughts & ideas (Note: No accuracy is implied or assumed as to who really did or did not come up with these sayings. I am merely putting them in on good faith. In other words, don't get into a snit over it!)
(deceased)
Philosophy} “My father wanted me to study law. I soon found out that I was more interested in the principles behind the law and I changed over to the School of Philosophy. But philosophy wasn’t the answer. There really isn’t anything to philosophy. Did you ever eat that cotton candy they sell at fairs? Well, philosophy is like that- it looks as if it were really something, and it’s awfully pretty, and it tastes sweet, but when you go to bite it you can’t get your teeth into it, and when you try to swallow, there isn’t anything there. Philosophy is word-chasing, as significant as a puppy chasing its tail.” Assignment In Eternity, Robert A. Heinlein, 1953, p. 103
YAPPERS: A acronistic definition of Christian apologists at the embryonic stage.
If a man is cloned, can he be born again?
No man is totally useless. You can always use him as a bad example.
It's not important how you got there. It's where you end up.
Theology is an exact "science". It's only as exact as its interpreter.
No more words please. Show me Jesus that I might know the Father. (Jn 17:3)
You are what you worship.
Catholicism: God in a box.
Protestantism: God in a book. If Christianity is logically self
sustaining, it is a logically 'closed' system, Christian Reconstructionism can best be
summed up by remembering the following: The Apostles' doctrine was their
orthopraxis, and they turned the world upside down. Christian Apologetics: Evidentialists, presuppositionalists - it all sounds like hearsay to me.
The shortest distance between faith and
reason is 18 inches: How much doctrinal error will damn a soul to hell?
Intelligence is the glory of God (Mormon prophet Lorenzo
Snow). Christian Philosopher: An intellectual who couldn't handle hard science. Christian Philosopher: A Christian who is ontologically challenged. Why did Jesus rise from the dead? Because the Romans didn't use 9" nails. The Real Sign Above The Cross: INRI: "I'm Nailed Right In" God supports planned parenthood- after all, he only had one child. How can you tell Jesus was really Jewish? Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore? He's got holes in his feet. What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist? Someone who knocks on doors for no reason. Why was the dyslexic Satanist upset? He found out he had signed his soul over to Santa.
Created / Acquired by Mark Smith Email to: JCnot4me@aol.com
It is the height of arrogance for a Christian to think that his individual existence in this universe is sooooo damn important that a god (if there were one) would even lift his little finger, much less get himself killed, to perpetuate it. ---Mark Smith August 15, 2008
---short quotes----
Stephen *Colbert Speaks Out Regarding: Bible Stories "Of course they're
real stories- the Bible says they're real stories!!!
And we know
Note from Mark Smith: The "court jesters" of today seem to be the only ones who can get away, in the public media, with telling the truth about Christianity- because, after all, it's just the crazy court jester. Bill Mahrer, George Carlin, Sam Kennison (r.i.p.), Jon Stewart- people hear the comedians mocking their mockable religions, but then shrug off the criticisms with a "yeah, that was a little close to home, but what does he know? He's just a comedian". They laugh- but then they feel guilty for laughing, for the laughing reveals that deep down inside they know the comments are true. If there are prophets for the modern era, it's the Lenny Bruces and not the Jerry Falwells. *The Colbert Report on Comedy Central, Nov. 2, 2005
Daughters of The Harlot
"For the love of money is the root of all evil " 1st Timothy 6:10 KJV
George Carlin:
"[Christianity] easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told.
Just think about it: [Christianity] has actually convinced people
that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches
everything you do, every minute of every day. And this invisible man
has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do, and if
you do any of these ten things, he has a special place filled with
fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will
send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry,
forever and ever, till the end of time - but he LOVES you. He loves
you ... and he needs money. He always needs money! He's
all-powerful, all-knowing, all-perfect, and all-wise, but somehow,
he just can't handle money. [The church] takes in billions of
dollars per year, they pay no taxes ... and they always need more.
Now you talk about a good bullshit story — ho-ly shit !!!" For more see my essays: The Fleecing of The Flock and Fire The Clergy
Party Poops One day... they'll come out with a pill that cures all sexual STD's. The next day, Fundies will whine to the government and get it banned. Perception: When people hear the name Hitler, they think genocide. When they hear Noah's Flood, they think cute bedtime story for kids. Why is that? IF the Bible story is true, the genocide that Biblegod caused with Noah's Flood vastly outweighs whatever Hitler did. Does somebody need to write a book turning Hitler's death camps into cute Christian bedtime stories before Christians can open their eyes and see the comparison?
Mark Twain on Censorship: Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. The Other Cheek Violence sure beats the crap out of turning the other cheek! Christianity Causes a Bad Attitude It is the Atheist who values life more, who savors the moments, knowing that this life is all we get. It is the Atheist who gets the most joy out of an award ceremony for his second grade daughter; the Christian would be mocking and deriding the whole event, saying it is nothing compared to the awards that await in heaven. It is the Atheist who gets joy out of a beautiful sunset; the Christian would be disdainful, comparing it to the beauties of his imaginary heaven. It is the Atheist who values the life of his child; a Christian wouldn't care thinking that the child has "gone to a better place". Examples could go on and on, all pointing the same direction: Christianity can cause a condescending and disdainful attitude towards the simple joys of life.
Stupidity:
Born Again: Why be "born again" when you can just grow up? Hymns (Hims???) Where else but in a church (or San Francisco) could a man in public sing a love song to another man, such as "He TOUCHED me, ohhh he touched me..."? To see a Christian man's heart just all a flutter over being touched by another man, it's just so... GAY.
If There Were a God... IF there were a god, he would feel no more emotional attachment to us then we do to a bacteria or an ant. He would be so far beyond us that a lobster, a horse, a human, would all rate the same in his book. To think such a god would "love" homo sapiens astronomically beyond all the other animals on this planet is arrogant monkey egotism at its worse.
Pagan DNA in Christianity: Sure sounds like Christianity ripped off THIS story- a virgin get knocked up by a god and superhuman kids are born. Gee- can anyone spell MARY AND JESUS????
Suicide by Cop This is basically what Jesus did, which resulted in his death. Jesus pushed the buttons he knew would get himself killed. If ever there was a "victim precipitated homicide" this was it.
Crusade For a Christian to invite a Muslim to a "Jesus Crusade" is like inviting a Black to a lynching, so don't be surprised if either one gets pissed off.
Condoms & Teenagers Contrary to what the Christians have been yakking about all these years, it turns out that offering condoms to High School kids does NOT increase sexual behavior. Of course, the Christians REAL reason for not wanting the kids having sex has nothing to do with condoms- just their religion. The article states: Teenagers at high schools where condoms were available were no more likely to have sex than other teens, a study says. (OC Register 5/29/03 page News 10) Will the Christians change their tune now? Of course not! Damn the facts, full speed ahead with our religion!!!
Chimps & Humans http://dsc.discovery.com/news/briefs/20030519/chimp.html The link is to a scientific article which shows that humans and chimps are better than 99% the same. The reason Christians don't want to face this genetic fact is because of their inherent self-loathing. They are ashamed of where we REALLY came from, and would rather invent a more impressive pedigree: "we're directly from the Lord of the universe- we're his princes and princesses."
Coercion Ethical??? The governor of California is reported as having said "Contracts entered into with a gun at your head are not sacrosanct." (O.C. Register, 5/14/03, p. Business 2). I wonder where that leaves Biblegod, who holds the gun of HELL cocked at the head of everyone whom he offers his "loving contract" of heaven to??? In law, contracts entered into under coercion are unethical and don't hold up in court.
Brown Eyed / Blue Eyed Experiments Experiments have been carried out at hundreds of schools wherein one group is told they are superior to other groups. This feeling of being superior always breeds a feeling of arrogance and the mistreatment of the "inferior" groups. Given this FACT, should it surprise anyone that most Christians are arrogant bastards, seeing how they are continually reminded from the pulpit of how smart they are for having become Christians and how dumb those foolish Atheists are for having NOT converted??? Mormonism is Proof Mormonism is proof positive that religious people have no need of evidence or reason to remain in their religion. April Fools Day? Some Christians have tried to lovingly hurt and humiliate Atheists by displaying a bumper sticker on their car which reads "April 1st: National Atheist Day". Upon further examination, this actually might not be a bad idea. We could make April 1st "National Skeptic Day" in which everyone should be skeptical of extraordinary claims (like people coming back from the dead and such) that sound too far fetched, lest we become an "April fool". We should also all reflect on that day on whatever religious claims we are living under, and question their validity. On April 1st, we should ALL be Atheists for a day. Trust Your Feelings? While flying in fog or on overcast days, pilots that rely on their feelings rather than their instruments can crash and burn. Advanced pilots are given that very scenario in a flight simulator, so they can safely see for themselves not to trust their feelings over instruments. Christians should take a lesson from the pilots- rather than "trust your feelings" when it comes to religion, use your "instruments"- logic, reason, and facts. If your instruments say your religion has faults while your heart says otherwise, go with your instruments. Value of Jesus' Death IF all human lives are of equal value, AND life begins at conception, THEN a microscopic sperm who won the race and is now hanging out the side of an egg is equal in value to the life of Jesus. GIVEN THAT, how could the human life of Jesus (equal to everyone else's) pay for anybody's sins??? Majority Vote??? For those people who seem to think that Christianity is somehow proved true by the number of people who have fallen for its lies} "If the truth of a proposition depended on the number of people who believed it, the Earth would still be flat." (Richard Prebble). Stubborn Ass Christians Many Christians seem to think that being pig-headed stubborn is some sort of virtue. Many think the ability to face off against better arguments and then go away unchanged is a good thing. Some Christians even want to "test" their pig-headedness by arguing with Atheists, in some sort of "rite of passage" from Christian boyhood to manhood. They want to confirm to themselves they haven't the ability to ever change their minds. Babies Prove Biblegod? Christians often say to Atheists: "how can you look at a baby and say there is no god?" I don't know- maybe the same way YOU look at 9-11 and say there IS??? Babies Prove Biblegod? If "cute and cuddlely" proves there IS a god, shouldn't "horrendous and repulsive" prove there ISN'T??? Free Will? Seeing how chemicals can change the way a person thinks, and the things a person enjoys doing, "free will" must be yet another bogus theory of the non-Calvinist Christian religions. Self-Hatred Christians suffer from self-hatred of their own species. They loathe mankind, and wish/pretend they are something else. They long for death so they can escape being what they are: human beings. Meaning in Life Christians like to attack us Atheists with something like "Well, what meaning does YOUR life have? I have eternal life!" The fact is, their "eternal life", according to the Bible, will be spent kissing the ass of a petty desert deity suffering from low self-esteem- THAT'S the vaunted and bragged-about "meaning" to THEIR lives!!! The Book of Revelation clearly reveals that the Christians will spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for the next trillion billion quaddrillion years doing NOTHING but singing praises to a god that just can't get enough compliments. Now THAT'S real meaning in life, isn't it!!! Christian Retreat} Christians have their little camp meetings and getaways they go to. My question is, is a "Christian Retreat" what happens when a "Christian Crusade" gets defeated? Sperm} Why aren't the pro-lifers concerned with the murder of billions of little sperm every day? They are so concerned about the pre-born, well, these little guys are the pre-pre-born, and if in Christian algebra a pre-born being aborted equals murder, likewise some Christian teenager jacking off into a kleenex. Sperm also look like little tadpoles, they move around, they go from point A to point B, they have a purpose to their life. Do they have souls? If one squirms into an egg, then backs out, is it murder? Pro-lifers should give more thought to the lives of sperm. Next Time You're Invited To Church} The next time your local Ned Flanders invites you to his church, go ahead and accept, but on one condition: that you'll make full use of your constitutional freedom of speech, for which many of our forefathers died. Let him know that anytime the preacher says something in his sermon that you disagree with, you're going to speak up then and there. Trust me, Ned won't be inviting you to church anymore, as what they really want are numbers in the attendance book, and not questioning minds. Christian Justice?} I steal a cookie, and Jesus gets wacked for it. That is not justice, but the opposite. A system that has as its foundation a gross injustice is rotten to the core. Religion = A Dead End} On the expressway of life exiting into a religion turns out to be nothing more than a very long dead-end detour. You spend years traveling this detour, judiciously studying the maps, thinking you're making progress because you're busy all the time, thinking you're going to actually end up somewhere important. Truth is, your four lane turns into a two lane, blacktop turns into gravel, gravel into dirt, and eventually you're on a car path beaten down into a grassy field facing a sign that says "Dead End". You realize at that point you've just wasted 20 years of your life. How would you feel right now? Avoid stepping in C.R.A.P. No Jesus, Know Peace. Bored With The Book} Christian Geek Intellectuals are "bored with the book", that's why they turn to philosophy. Out-Christian The Christians} Atheists: Stop trying to "out-Christian" the Christians. If it's too much bother, people won't bother. Comedians: Comedians are the modern day prophets. The more I learn, the less I earn. Blank-Check Morality} Christianity has a "blank-check" morality. Christians can run up any amount of sins they want, and a check signed by Jesus is already waiting for them to fill in the amount. Thus Christianity leads to higher, not lower, crime rates. Deal with what IS, not what SHOULD BE. (The Prophet Lenny Bruce) The Halls of Justice! The only place you find justice is in the halls. (The Prophet Lenny Bruce) Jesus- The same yesterday, today, and forever: Dead! Time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. (Plato) If the penalty for sin is "eternal hell fire", Jesus did NOT pay the penalty. Judging Deities: If Biblegod is
praised
and judged GOOD by Christians when he does
good acts, then likewise he should be damned and judged
EVIL
when he does or permits evil acts. Judging Deities: Christians say "Humans can't judge God- he's above human judgment" yet they themselves have judged him every time they utter a "praise God!" Judging Deities: Christians say "Humans can't judge God- he's above human judgment" so how is it then that Christians have judged their Biblegod and determined him to be GOOD if one is not to judge Biblegod at all? Judging Deities: If Christians say that "God" is not to be judged, then how is a poor Pagan to judge which "God" is the real "God" given the choice between the gods Zeus, Baal, Joe Hovah or Thor???? Anything FOR Christianity is allowed into the court of Christian reason; anything AGAINST is disallowed. If non-flaming-Fundy Christians admit that the Bible as it exists today, the Bible they currently hold in their hands, is not 100% perfect, then why do they squawk so when someone points out an example of such? Why do they go thru such mental contortions to explain away simple contradictions when they themselves have already admitted as much? The Jesus Seminar. Council of Nice. What's the big difference? The day you can convince a mother to stop loving her son is the day you can convince a Christian to stop loving his religion. Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith were both nut cases that started religions, and their followers have been trying to polish up their images ever since. Judging Deities: IF the actions that Biblegod does flow from his nature, and if BY HIS OWN DEFINITIONS some of those actions are EVIL, THEN some of Biblegod's nature must ALSO be evil. If we can't use Biblegod's own definitions of good & evil when discussing Biblegod being good or evil, then who in hells definition can we use??? The Polite Cheap Shot: Christian Party Poops: Christians are not allowed, by their religion, to have fun. Therefore, when they see others having fun, out of jealousy they want to stop their fun. This is just like when one kid can’t get a cookie, he doesn’t want any other kid to have a cookie either. Paul The Liar: If Paul didn't have the reputation of being a liar, then why did he spend so much time assuring others "I'm telling the truth- I'm not lying"??? In the words of the Bard, "Methinks he protesteth too much" Miracles: If modern Christian apologists and intellectuals had been the road manager of the traveling Jesus show, Jesus would have stopped at doing one miracle, then spent the next three years trying to convince others he really did it. Miracles: If ancient miracles are enough to convince people, then why didn't Paul and the other Apostles just argue potential converts into believing the past miracles of Jesus? Miracles: The best evidence for a miracle is a miracle. Condoms & Schools: If teaching kids about condoms "encourages them to have sex" what does teaching them about war encourage? Christianity Has Pagan DNA (from a bumper sticker)
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