Shopping For A God

"And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15 KJV

"Choose you this day" is not a suggestion, nor even an invitation; it is rather a command. A command to comparison shop amongst the various deities on the market, hanging them in the balance to see if any are found wanting, comparing one to another by an objective standard. Joe Hovah, contrary to what the Christians say, is not to be excluded from this process of elimination. He is to be included in this "beauty contest" of gods. What standards are we to judge deities by? What are the requirements? Do we pick deities that have committed mass murder, ordered slavery, or have done other atrocities? The Christians, because Joe Hovah has been guilty of such things in the past, try to remove their god from the contest, saying the ways of Joe are not man's ways. If that were the case, then no man would be able to make any intelligent decision- in contradiction to what Joshua commanded. Would the Christians prefer we use the "ennie meenie minie moe" method when picking a god to grovel to? Or would they admit that deities are to be held accountable to moral laws, and that we should rightly expect deities to act civilized- thus allowing us to distinguish good from bad deities? Lord knows the Christians certainly lambaste the Greek and Roman gods for all their orgies and such. Christians have no trouble whatsoever seeing splinters in the eyes of other deities; why can't they see the planks sticking out of Jehovah's eyes??? When picking between Baal, Molech, or Joe Hovah, what are the objective standards we are to judge them by???

"And Elijah came near to all the people, and said, "How long will you go limping with two different opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him." And the people did not answer him a word." 1st Kings 18:21 RSV

An Objective Biblical Test of Deities
1^st Kings 18

"I am not the troublemaker," Elijah answered. "You are--you and your father. You are disobeying the LORD's commands and worshiping the idols of Baal. Now order all the people of Israel to meet me at Mount Carmel. Bring along the 450 prophets of Baal and the 400 prophets of the goddess Asherah who are supported by Queen Jezebel."

So Ahab summoned all the Israelites and the prophets of Baal to meet at Mount Carmel. Elijah went up to the people and said, "How much longer will it take you to make up your minds? If the LORD is God, worship him; but if Baal is God, worship him!" But the people didn't say a word.

Then Elijah said, "I am the only prophet of the LORD still left, but there are 450 prophets of Baal. Bring two bulls; let the prophets of Baal take one, kill it, cut it in pieces, and put it on the wood--but don't light the fire. I will do the same with the other bull. Then let the prophets of Baal pray to their god, and I will pray to the LORD, and the god who answers by sending fire--he is God."

The people shouted their approval.

Then Elijah said to the prophets of Baal. "Since there are so many of you, you take a bull and prepare it first. Pray to your god, but don't set fire to the wood."

They took the bull that was brought to them, prepared it, and prayed to Baal until noon. They shouted. "Answer us. Baal!" and kept dancing around the altar they had built. But no answer came.

At noon Elijah started making fun of them; "Pray louder! Hi is a god! Maybe he is day-dreaming or gone to the bathroom, or perhaps he's gone off on a trip! Or maybe he's sleeping, and you've got to wake him up!" So the prophets prayed louder and cut themselves with knives and daggers, according to their ritual, until blood flowed. They kept on ranting and raving until the middle of the afternoon; but no answer came, not sound was heard.

Then Elijah said to the people, "Come closer to me." and they all gathered around him. He set about repairing the altar of the LORD which had been torn down. He took twelve stones, one for each of the twelve tribes named for the sons of Jacob, the man to whom the LORD had given the name Israel With these stones he rebuilt the altar for the worship of the LORD. He dug a trench around it, large enough to hold about four gallons of water. Then he placed the wood on the altar, cut the bull in pieces, and laid it on the wood. He said, "Fill four jars with water and pour it on the offering and the wood." They did so, and the said, "Do it again"--and they did. "Do it once more," he said--and they did. The water ran down around the altar and filled the trench.

At the hour of the afternoon sacrifice the prophet Elijah approached the altar and prayed, "O LORD, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, prove now that you are the God of Israel. and that I am your servant and have done all this at your command. Answer me, LORD, answer me, so that this people will know that you, the LORD, are God and that you are bringing them back to yourself."

The LORD sent fire down, and it burned up the sacrifice, the wood, and the stones, scorched the earth and dried up the water in the trench.

When the people saw this, they threw themselves on the ground and exclaimed. "The LORD is God; the LORD alone is God!"

Elijah ordered, "Seize the prophets of Baal; don't let any of them get away!" The people seized them all, and Elijah led them down to Kishon Brook and killed them. (1st Kings 18)

Given the options of two or more competing deities, we have the above Bible example and clear precedent of people putting their gods to the test to see who the stronger deity is. This refutes those who nowadays claim that it is somehow "wrong" to put Biblegod to the test and arrogantly mock any who request such. The reason they avoid such tests is, of course, that their gods would fail, and they hope by arrogantly mocking any who request such tests to shut them up. But as shown above, deities with nothing to hide don't run from tests; they welcome the competition. But what are good tests, how does one judge one deity as being better to another? Elijah thought that fire from heaven would settle the issue, and I'll settle for that- hell, I'd even settle for Biblegod zapping a fly with a tiny lightening bolt. But there are alot of issues involved here, so below I've gathered some

If you become Jewish, all you get is one god. You become Muslim, the same thing. However, if you become a CHRISTIAN, you get THREE GODS for the price of ONE!!! That's right, folks! This week only, THREE GODS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!!! Just like the old gum commercial: "Three gods, three gods, three gods in one!". Hell, what chance does Yahweh or Allah have going up against (1) THE FATHER along with (2) THE SON along with (3) THE HOLY GHOST??? The THREE AMIGOS can kick their asses!

Assuming deities to exist, the one who is shopping for a religion (the religious consumer) must decide WHICH deity to buy into, i.e. worship. Out of the several hundred gods that are on the open market today, how is one to decide which is the BEST deity? One would have to make JUDGMENTS based upon a STANDARD. Joe Hovah, by ANY standard, is a genocidal jealous tyrant. Why would anyone pick him over the other gods???

When Christians look at the good things Biblegod has done, they judge Biblegod to be good, and no one says anything. However, when Atheists look at the bad things Biblegod has done, and judge Biblegod to be bad, we are told we're not allowed to do that: "who are you to pass judgment on God?". This is hypocritical, and shows some problems with Christian thinking.

If we, as "mere humans" are not allowed to judge deities, how is it you Christians judge your deity , Joe Hovah, to be good? Is it that only GOOD judgments are allowed towards Biblegod, and then only by converted Christians??? Are not pre-Christians allowed to judge Biblegod, and if so, by what objective standard??? And isn't it a FACT that Biblegod has violated many of those standards??? That being so, an intelligent seeker should not become a duped sucker and buy into a myth.

If a non-Christian, seeking a religion to join, were to objectively compare Joe Hovah to just about ANY code of morality, he would REJECT Joe Hovah in a flash. The net result? No conversions. Or should the gods of the Christians be the ONLY gods to be accepted without thinking???

Most Christians did damn little research on Joe Hovah before they bit the bait and swallowed the hook. And now that they are stuck swimming in circles in the bait bucket, they claim that fish that are caught shouldn't be judging the fisherman.

If deities that we are to pick among are above the law, above all standards of conduct, then there is no way for us to decide among competing deities. We have NO standard with which to compare deities against.

If deities ARE "the law", if they themselves are the standard, there is still no way for us mere mortals to pick one over the others. When Molech IS the standard by which to judge all deities, guess which deity comes out looking perfect, i.e. matching the standard perfectly? Molech!!! When Christians stack the deck in their favor using the same reasoning ("Biblegod = The Standard"), the result is predictable- and flawed.

ONLY when deities are subject to the law, can we humans make an intelligent decision between Molech and Baal, or Allah and Joe Hovah, or Thor and Zeus. With a moral code in our hands, we can judge which deities fit the bill, and which don't.

IF Biblegod by definition is good, THEN anything Biblegod does must also be good. Therefore mass murder¹, abortion², slavery³, and torture⁴ must be good things, or else Biblegod could not have done them. However, if the above acts are EVIL, then Biblegod, regardless of semantical games, is evil, for as Jesus said, "a rotten tree produces rotten fruit". If Biblegod is judged GOOD by Christians because he does good acts, then likewise he should be judged to be EVIL when he does evil acts.

Suppose a prophet of Baal were to come up to a Christian and say that everything Baal does is, by definition, good. Given that assumption, can any Christian come up with any conclusion other than Baal is good??? And if Christians can see the error in this, why do they continue to claim that Biblegod is, by definition, good??? If Christians can use it, so can Moslems, Baalites, and anybody else.

A book's mere claim of a god to be perfect does NOT constitute proof of perfection. The Bible can claim all the perfection it wants for its gods; that is NOT proof.

IF it is wrong to judge Biblegod to be bad by his acts, then it must be just as wrong to judge him good, wrong to "praise God". Therefore, Christians have no grounds to call him good, or just, or perfect, or anything. In short, they can't pass judgment: Biblegod can be neither good or bad, he just is. Are the Christians ready to stop praising their mass murderer? I don't think so. All they're looking for is an easy way to get us to stop criticizing their god.

If Biblegod DOES good BECAUSE he is good, then when he does evil, does he do evil BECAUSE he is evil?

Is there anything, anything at all, your Biblegod could do that you would call evil? Anything??? To the blinded deluded fanatics of an evil god, the god is perfect; to the rest of the world, he sucks!

Is Biblegod considered to be perfect just because it's followers claim it to be perfect, or because an exhaustive and objective study has been conducted to judge Biblegod by an objective moral standard, and thereby concluded it to be perfect??? And anyway, who but a perfect and eternal deity would be qualified to judge if another being was perfect or eternal???

If Biblegod = "the standard", then he is neither shorter nor longer than "the standard." One inch = one inch. Therefore, Biblegod isn't good (~ more than the standard) or bad (less than the standard), he is just the standard. No moral judgments can be made, against -OR- for.

According to Christians, Biblegod invented the "laws" regarding justice in the Universe. It was he who, according to Christians, would have invented the demand that innocent blood be shed to compensate for evil deeds. It was he who supposedly made it where the "debt" of evil in the Universe has to be "paid off". No one, besides Biblegod, set up the Universe in such a way that if I break even one of Biblegod's many self-made rules, his son Jesus would have to be born to die to "pay off" my rule breaking. Biblegod makes the rules at his whim. He could have just as easily declared farting to be a sin worthy of his son's death. He makes whatever rules he wishes. He arbitrarily created the rule that demands the shedding of blood to pay off the debt of sin. Biblegod arbitrarily created rules & regulations for mankind to follow (that he himself may break at any time), and Biblegod also created the rule that when mankind fails to follow a rule or regulation, that Biblegod's son must die to compensate for the rule breaking. He arbitrarily created one rule (atonement) to compensate for our breaking of other equally arbitrary rules.

Morality becomes relative when Biblegod murders millions and it's ok, but when Hitler murders six million he's evil.

Biblegod's "absolute laws" are NOT absolute- witness the way Christians have shelved most of the Old Testament laws.

Christians tend to be blind to the faults of their Biblegod. They are exactly like the mother of a mass murderer who say of her son "He's not a bad boy- you just don't understand him!!!" when they say we can't understand Biblegod because we're not "spiritual" enough.

God cannot lie? Why not?!!? Because the Bible says so? If a liar says he never lies, he lies! And if Biblegod lied, since (according to Christians) he is the very definition of good, lying now becomes good, so it's not really lying when Biblegod lies!!! And what's the big deal anyway- Biblegod breaks alot of his other rules, why not also the rule against lying??? What's one more, what's the big deal? If he's the one who arbitrarily made up these "laws" in the first place, can't he do what he wants, and lie??? And since Jesus lied about when his Second Coming took place, why can't Biblegod lie about stuff too???

Joe Hovah is supposed to do things for our "ultimate good"? How is this, since the vast majority of mankind (according to Christian theory) end up in hell. Of what ultimate GOOD is Joe Hovah to them? None whatsoever!!!